I haven’t been blogging much lately because sometimes it feels a bit self indulgent. It’s been a battle back and forth for me because the reason that I didn’t quit blogging entirely was because I want to help others by sharing my story. But sometimes sharing my story or tidbits of my life feels a bit more like “look at me!” than it does anything else.
I also have been really struggling with how I portray myself to others in terms of fitness and nutrition. My blog for years revolved around fitness and nutrition and so did my Instagram account for the blog. And since Instagram is only a snapshot of the highlight reel (as much as I try to be real and authentic in that space as well), I have been thinking about how others might perceive me. If a person that comes across my account for the first time and the first thing they see is a picture of my body, is the first thing I want them to think about me that I am a fit person? Am I creating a space that is making people feel insecure in their own bodies? Or am I inspiring others, as a full time nursing student who’s passionate about health, to make their health a priority?
If someone comes across my Instagram account and they don’t know my story, that I battled with a disordered relationship with food or that I’ve been lifting weights for over six years now and that’s one of the reasons my body looks the way it does or that I’ve been through the struggle of body image (and still have some bad days!) – I guess I just don’t want to give off the impression that I am perfect.
Honestly, I really don’t know the answer to any of these questions.
I know that the Lord gives us each unique individual passions and I know that one of mine is health and fitness. But I am scared that I’m not sending the message that I truly believe in when it comes to health and fitness. That giving yourself grace is the best thing that you can do for yourself, or that food is meant to be enjoyed, or that what your body looks like doesn’t mean anything compared to who you are on the inside.
I also feel like so many people who share their fitness journeys on social media just want to give advice out about fitness. While I was a certified group fitness instructor and have a ton of knowledge about fitness, I think that there are so many other qualified people to share information that that’s not something I’m necessarily passionate about or want to focus on.
As I type this blog post I realize that it’s all over the place – forgive me for that! I guess I just feel a bit at a standstill when it comes to what I share in this space and in other spaces on the Internet. I don’t want to do more harm than good. I don’t want people to see me for what my body looks like or what foods I eat. I want to send a message that is bigger than that but I don’t know where to start. And I don’t want to stop sharing about health and fitness because I am so passionate about it.
I know that I’m not going to find the answers to any of this any time soon. But thank you for bearing with me in the meantime ❤ I appreciate you more than you know and would love to hear your thoughts!